Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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