Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
