Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
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