just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
