Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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