I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
