I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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