i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
