i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize