I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
