i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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