i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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