we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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