let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
