the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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