For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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