True but thats because hes a fetus.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
