just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
