forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
