She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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