Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
