I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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