Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
