The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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