nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
