you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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