What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
