everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
