I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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