I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize