i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
