Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
