So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
