Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
