Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
