i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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