I feel like abortions should bother me more
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
