btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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