I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
