you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
