I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
