I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
