i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
