he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
