no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
