I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
