dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
