I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
where are you?
Hypothermia
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
