you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
