Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
