We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
