Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
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She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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