I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
