It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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