My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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