I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
