Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
