So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
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She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
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I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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