Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
