I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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