and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize