peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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