how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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