WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
