u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize