best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
