Already got asked if we're dating
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
