apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
